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QRD #36 - Valentine's Special - February 2008
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complaints about humans - part 3
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Complaints about Humans - Part 3 
by Brian John Mitchell

     I’d hoped I’d never find myself writing an article like this again; but I guess if I only have something to complain about every 5 years, I’m not doing too bad.  The first installment was about lying & the second one was about pride & this one is about a phenomenon that combines them both – historical revision.  I’m not talking about how a nation that wins a war only covers their side of the story or the differences in the expansion of the United States in US textbooks versus the rest of the world; I’m talking about personal histories.  I understand how it works, someone does something so embarrassing or immoral or stupid or whatever that they change the past to justify their behavior.  They do this as a survival technique, they can’t even control it after the process has begun & they really do believe it to be true. 
     I’ll give you an incredibly embarrassing example from my own life that messes with my head; about ten years ago I briefly went out with a woman who was living with another man (I didn’t know this at the time).   It was pretty serious to me; she was the first woman that ever talked to me about intentionally having children in an immediate way (which totally freaked me out).  Things didn’t work out & I found out years later that she denies having ever been more than friends with me.  So I confronted her about it & she really believes we were never more than friends.  I thought about saying, “So you talk about having children together with friends?”  But I knew it was lost.  History was re-written. 
     The part that messes with me is in a way it re-writes my history too & pushes truth into the realm of subjectivity instead of objectivity.  I know I must be doing the same thing to some extent. 
     Which gets me to my current state.  Everyone who knows me personally knows I have been in a very stressful on-again/off-again long distance relationship for 7.5 years.  Recently we live closer to each other & the fantasy of the person seen for four days every three months is gone.  I am trying to piece together if the person I loved ever existed or was based on fantasies & lies (on both of ours parts).  The whole thing is wrapped up in my religious belief that love is truth & eternal & a unique plan of God.  So if I ever really loved this particular woman, I will always love this woman.  & if I always love this woman, to marry & have children with another woman would be a horrendous act, because I don’t believe you can have romantic love for two people at the same time.  Romantic feelings & lust?  Of course, obviously possible.  An infatuation & vague sense someone else would be a better match?  Sure thing.  So now I’m stuck, my chaste life involving this woman without her in my life would be one of solitude if I love her; but if I revise history to say I never really knew her & therefore could not have loved her, I have an easy out.  The fact that she’s already taken this path in easy stride messes with me even more.  It makes us a mistake at best & a revolt against the plan of God at worst. 
     I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised, revisionist history is getting to be more acceptable everywhere.  You see it with the televangelists preaching “fake it until you make it” & “name it & claim it.”  You see it in medical jargon with “CYA” (“covering your ass,” meant for not fully documenting medical errors).  You see it with your parents saying, “Smile & say everything’s okay.”  You see it with politicians saying, “I’m not a flip-flopper; I had a conversion of heart.”  People illustrate that truth is subjective & tell all the kids it is too – though they won’t say it with those words because it is too obviously bogus.  But maybe I can live a little closer to accurately & honestly than most folks, or maybe I should just start telling people I’m an inter-dimensional traveler from a society based on steam power; after all if one truth is as good as another I might as well have one as wacko & fun as possible.