QRD – How do you turn music mode on & off in your relationship with each other?  Or do you find yourself pretty constantly collaborating on music even if it’s songs about cooking?

Chris – For us making music, or anything for that matter, is a bit of a luxury.  We both work crazy amounts of hours & raise three kids that are all in school.  Like everything else there is an ebb & flow that we just ride.  In spite of having years of music-making experience between us, we’ve never been “professionals” or had any obligation to anyone but ourselves to make art.  So we make stuff when we want & when we can & that has always worked.

QRD – How has your music changed by having someone you’re romantically involved with working with you?

Chris – We understand each other better than most folks whose relationships start & end with music.  We’ve been married for almost 12 years & as such we’ve grown up together & we’ve influenced each other in almost every way possible, music included.

QRD – How do you keep things professional rather than getting personal in the band?  Like not letting being upset that someone’s not doing their house chores spill into band practice?

Chris – Music is personal for us, not professional.  We don’t take it seriously enough to get upset about anything like that.

QRD – Do you think working musically together increases the strength of your relationship?

Chris – Absolutely.  Everything we do together makes us stronger.

QRD – Do you think the music ever suffers because of your relationship?

Chris – Nah.

QRD – Being in a romantic couple, do you try to curb lyrical content to or away from things in your relationship?

Chris – We’ve written songs that are essentially love songs to each other & really get a kick out of professing our love to the world, actually.

QRD – A lot of families kind of look down on musicians as immature, do you find that going out with another musician has eased relationships with your parents or in-laws?

Chris – My parents think making music is stupid.  Her parents think it’s awesome.  My real dad (1948-1979) played guitar in a band & her dad played bass in a band, so I don’t think it was a surprise to anyone when we started making music.

QRD – Which came first the musical collaboration or the relationship & do you feel that at this point that you could have one without the other?

Chris – We were making music individually when we first met.  A few years later we were touring the U.S. in a band together.  It’s silly to even question what would be the thing to sacrifice, the music or the marriage.  I couldn’t live without her.

QRD – How do things work with band members besides the two of you to get the same level of connectivity while playing your music?

Chris – It’s just the two of us.  We learned the hard way in a stinky van with two other guys that a married couple should probably just do their thing without anyone else to screw it up.

QRD – Do you find music related gifts to be romantic or more like giving someone an appliance?

Chris – Ha-ha.  Music related gifts are totally cool.  Toasters are also totally cool.

QRD – The musician life style has an inherent lack of financial security & healthcare.  Do you find yourself thinking, “How can we start a family & continue our musical careers?”

Chris – No.  Musical careers are for people who are willing to cater to an audience in exchange for the financial security of which you speak.  That being said... I realize that some people get lucky & “make it big” playing exactly what they want, but it’s risky.  Imagine what would happen if your music is what supports your family & all of a sudden the music you make stops selling.  Do you stop & get day jobs again to feed the kids or do you realign your sound with the public to sell more records & put food back on the table?  We are each other’s audience & we’re more than glad to share our songs & art with anyone who wants to listen, but our jobs support us & our family.  Our music supports our need to express ourselves.

QRD – Do you ever switch off instruments to give each other ideas?

Chris – All the time.  Nothing is set in stone.  Ali is a better singer, though.

QRD – A lot of people say they feel most spiritually connected to another person is when they’re on stage & the set is working.  Is this what you find & how does this energy flow into your romantic relationship?

Chris – I don’t know.  That sounds kinda cheesy.

QRD – Some couples start to get seen as a unit with one member as dominant.  Do you ever want to get one of you more recognition?

Chris – No.

QRD – Do you feel a need to have separate projects where you just work on your own?

Chris – We do whatever we want because we can.  We each have a ton of stuff that we’ve done separately as well as together.

QRD – Musicians often run into fans with crushes, is there a secret to recognizing when something is getting inappropriate instead of being band promoting?

Chris – I don’t think we have any fans... it’s highly unlikely that any of the, like, 12 people who know who we are have a crush on either one of us.

QRD – Any advice for other musician couples?

Chris – Don’t fucking sell out.

QRD – Any thing else?

Chris – We’re flattered that you include us in these things, but we really don’t sweat the hype game.  We gave that a shot a few years ago, but it just got to be too cheesy.  If anyone wants to listen that’s awesome, but we’ve played our hearts out in front of nobody but the sound guy & his girlfriend.  We make music whether anyone is listening or not.

Official The Wades Website

Other QRD interviews with The Wades:
Chris Wade interview on fatherhood (May 2007)