alcohol ? “use it or abuse it”

Almond Joy ? “indescribably delicious”

ashtrays ? “nothing works like an ashtray”

Bacardi ? “more drinkable than ever”

boxer shorts ? “drop your pants & mingle!”

Billy Cawfield ? “it’s great to be young & insane”

Clearasil ? “be comfortable in your skin”

convenience store clerks -- “all this to please the ladies”

Corn Nuts ? (original flavor) -- “bigger than guns” (ranch) “take a chance on death” (barbecue) “indescribable! death!”

Dodge ? “we question everything”

Doug 4 ? “she touched my peppy”

Giant Eagle ? “it takes a giant to make life simple”

Laura Ingles ? “I take on the world & win”

Arnold Jackson ? “what’re you talkin about Willis?”

jewelry ? “often shiny”

Ned Kirby ? “I was born in apathy.”

Little Debbie ? “unwrap a smile”

Ryan Lum ? “well, I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

Lycia ? “you need to be beat with the suburban stick”

Brian John Mitchell ? “unintentionally cruel”

Naya ? “hungry for life thirsty for Naya”

New York City ? “we make lousy salsa!”

Ted Nugent ? “I don’t advocate violence, I perform it.”

pants ? “nothing expresses your tastes for what you like below the waist like pants”

Tom Ridge ? “There is no future, there is no opportunity....”

Macho Man Randy Savage -- “snap into a slim jim!”

Stepman ? “God is good to me all the time, fuck the police”

Mr. T ? “I pity the fool!”

Tang ? “it’s a kick in a glass”

television ? “33% better than real life”

Julianna Towns ? “Life is horrible enough.”

Underoos ? “underwear is fundawear”

US Army ? “be all that you can be”

Keith Van Horn ? “Remember, losing’s just like winning with less points.”

J.J. Walker ? “dynomite!”

yuppies ? “working for corporations sucks, but I’m trying to change that... from the inside”