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QRD #66 - Guitarist Interviews X
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Guitarist Interviews:
Gavin MacArthur
Gary Murray
Joe O'Sullivan
Tony Whitlock
Jason Williams
Lucio Menegon
Dan Bridgewood-Hill
Igliashon Jones
Denny Kopp
Drew Jacobs
Jason Hendrix
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Guitarist Interview with Igliashon Jones
December 2013

Name: Igliashon Jones
Bands: City of the Asleep

QRD – What was your first guitar & what happened to it?

Igliashon – Ah, the ol’ Ibanez 3-stringer.  Real P.O.S. plywood special, sold to me by a grinning idiot.  It’s in a better place now... I threw it off a cliff after a bad gig at the local senior center.  Should have a raging crop of barnacles growing on it by now.

QRD – What’s your typical set-up from guitar to effects to amplifier?

Igliashon – I play a custom-modified Squier with a double-length scale… 51 inches, you bet!  I use the same gauge string for each string, a 10 (high-E from a pack of Ernie Ball Regular Slinky’s), all tuned to about middle-C, plus or minus a quarter-tone for shimmer.  I play this beast with a special right-handed glove that has a bunch of hair clips (bobby pins) attached to the fingertips, allowing me to strike the strings in chaotic flourishes.  My left hand is missing a couple of fingers but I get by all right taping a couple slides to the stumps.  Glass only, though, steel is too heavy & falls off.  For effects, I exclusively use ring modulators -- I’ve got about 12 of ‘em, my pride & joy is the DOD Gonkulator (the only pedal that lets you turn down the “Suck”!) & I’ve got three of ‘em at various settings.  Amp-wise, I’ve been assembling what I like to call “the Hive” for about a decade now.  Basically, I have 16 little 2-to-15-watt amps & a bunch of line-splitters to go into each one individually.  It’s louder than you’d expect & it allows me to either put out a big single-point blast or to literally SURROUND the audience with my sound.

QRD – What’s the most important part of your rig - guitar, amplifier, or effects?

Igliashon – Definitely the bug-zapper.  I can’t play worth a damn with all these skeeters buzzing in my ear!

QRD – If you had a signature guitar, what would it look like & what would some of its features be?

Igliashon – Oh man, I’ve always wanted one of those.  I reckon the body would be shaped like a lightning bolt & it would have a built-in bug zapper.  & of course the 51” scale is non-negotiable.  I’d love to get one of those Fernandes Sustainer systems too, or figure out a way to build eBow technology into the pickups or something.

QRD – If you had a signature pedal, what would it be & what would some of its features be?

Igliashon – It would be four ring modulators that you could adjust to run in series or parallel or some combo thereof.  Independent LFOs with random-step waveforms modulating the carrier frequency & a switch to use the LFOs to modulate EACH OTHER.  & it would have a Suck knob.  Except it would just be a volume knob, cuz it’s a joke.

QRD – How many guitars do you own?

Igliashon – Other than the main axe, I’ve got a PRS that someone just GAVE ME after a show one time (I haaaaate it, damn yuppie instrument, I’m fixin’ to smash it, but I need to get poorer first to make it more of a statement).  I’ve got a monstrosity of like 3 cheap acoustics I bought in Mexico from some drunk guy that I cut up & glued together in what I call “The Human Guitaripede” -- basically I cut the headstocks off two of ‘em, cut a channel in two of the bodies, & then glued ‘em to have one long continuous neck.  It’s sort of a REALLY LONG SCALE, but it’s weird cuz of the intonation of the repeating fretboard pattern.  Three necks laid end-to-end, with bodies surrounding the lower two necks to make the frets unreachable from a traditional grip.  I dunno, it’s hard to describe.  I play it by throwing things at it.

QRD – How & where do you store your guitars?

Igliashon – I sleep with them.  In bed.

QRD – What do you wish guitar cases had that they usually don’t?

Igliashon – Bug zappers!!!

QRD – What features do you look for when buying a guitar?

Igliashon – Sadness.  Defeat.  Broken spirits, really. 

QRD – How much do you think a good guitar should cost?

Igliashon – Good guitars are for posers.  Only a fuck-up would pay more than $15 for a guitar.  Get some damn tools, you yuppies!

QRD – How thoroughly do you research or test a piece of equipment before buying it?

Igliashon – LOLROFLLMAO.  “Research”?  “TEST”?  What am I, a rocket scientist?  It’s a guitar.  If you can hit the strings it works.

QRD – Do you change your rig around often?

Igliashon – I add to it.  Like cells growing in a tumor.  It will kill its host eventually.

QRD – Are you after one particular guitar tone & locking into it, or do you like to change your tone around a lot?

Igliashon – I am after the terror of the gods.  What does “tone” matter to the Great Sleep-Bringers of Yestergnoth? 

QRD – What are some guitars, amps, & pedals you particularly lust after?

Igliashon – I’m faithful to my brides!  How dare you insinuate I harbor impure thoughts for others?!  I accept what Divine Providence supplies.  It is not my place to harbor desires.

QRD – What do you think are some important features to be on a person’s first guitar that aren’t always there?

Igliashon – Everybody’s first guitar sucks.  Because everybody sucks when they first play the guitar.  The problem is in the mind, not the guitar.  Every first guitar should come with a dunce cap that you have to wear on your head until you finally realize the only way to win over your instrument is to hate it & destroy it… because you’re too chickenshit to destroy yourself, so the best you can do is pretend to do it through ““MUSIC””.

QRD – What have been the best & worst guitar related purchases you’ve made?

Igliashon – The Human Guitaripede is pretty great.  Best $15 I ever spent.  Worst purchase would be that PRS the guy gave me for free.  Does it count as a purchase if it was free?  I think so.  It was terrible.

QRD – What are some effect, amp, & guitar brands you particularly like or dis-like & why?

Igliashon – Two words: Radioshack.  But really, if you can recognize the brand it ain’t worth a damn.  Any name brand guitar is just Uncle Sam fuckin’ you in the wallet.  Most expensive (& least-pleasant-smelling) kindling you’ll ever find.

QRD – What’s the first thing you play when you pick up a guitar?

Igliashon – “Street Cleaners” by Doktors for “Bob”.  Worst song never written.

QRD – How old were you when you started playing guitar?

Igliashon – Fifty-two.

QRD – At what age do you think you leveled up to your best guitar playing?

Igliashon – Thirteen.

QRD – Why do you think a guitar fits you more so than other instruments?

Igliashon – Because I can cut them.

QRD – Do you think guitar should be people’s first instrument as often as it is?

Igliashon – No.  Learn the goddamn flute, ya sissies.

QRD – Do you see your guitar as your ally or adversary in making music?

Igliashon – I see it as the enemy I captured & then drilled holes in its skull & injected diluted bleach, like Jeffery Dahmer.  It’s my unwilling slave.

QRD – Who are the guitarists that most influenced your playing & sound?

Igliashon – There’s this guy in Santa Cruz, CA… never seen him sober, just walks around downtown at night with his broke-ass acoustic rockin’ out like he’s Eddie Van bloody Halen.  But, like, EVH after a 30-year bender that he still hasn’t come out of.  I hate that fucker, but I think it’s because he reminds me so much of myself.  If I didn’t have the Hive to take care of, I’d probably be doin’ what he’s doing.

QRD – Do you think people anthropomorphizing their guitars is natural or silly (e.g. naming their guitar)?

Igliashon – Why don’t you ask the guitars?

QRD – What’s the most physical damage you’ve done to a guitar & how did you do it?

Igliashon – Any idiot can smash a guitar.  Me, I humiliate them… I make them feel fear.  Guitars piss their pants when they see me coming, because I DON’T destroy them in the conventional sense.  I pervert them.  You can’t make a guitar really SCREAM if it ain’t afraid of a fate worse than death….

QRD – What do you do to practice other than simply playing?

Igliashon – Archery, mostly.

QRD – How many hours a week do you play guitar & how many hours would you like to?

Igliashon – Play?  This ain’t a game, son.  This is RELIGION.  Church is in session 23 hours a minute.

QRD – How often do you change strings?

Igliashon – About every 10 minutes.

QRD – How often do you break strings?

Igliashon – About every 10 minutes.

QRD – Which do you feel is more proficient, your strumming hand or fretting hand & how does that effect your style?

Igliashon – It’s all in the scrotum, actually.

QRD – Do you set-up your guitar yourself or send it to a guitar tech (or not set it up at all) & why?

Igliashon – Guitar techs will be the first people I line up & shoot after I finally get the guts to commit suicide. 

QRD – Do you prefer tablature, sheet music, or some other notation system for writing down your own ideas?

Igliashon – No, I don’t.

QRD – How high do you hold your guitar when playing (strap length)?

Igliashon – I generally lay the guitar on a table, or preferably a bed.

QRD – What’s a bad habit in your playing you wish you could break?

Igliashon – I never remember which end is up.

QRD – Playing what other instrument do you think can most help someone’s guitar playing?

Igliashon – The lawnmower.

QRD – What’s a type of guitar playing you wish you could do that you can’t?

Igliashon – Adult contemporary.

QRD – What’s a guitar goal you’ve never accomplished?

Igliashon – Making a free-throw from the 50-yard line.

QRD – What’s the last guitar trick you learned?

Igliashon – Chlorform = consent, as far as guitars are concerned.

QRD – What’s your favorite guitar gadget (ebow, capo, slide, string cutter, etc)?

Igliashon – The bonesaw.

QRD – What’s a guitar technique you’d like to master, but haven’t?

Igliashon – Notes.

QRD – Did you ever take guitar lessons & if so, what did you learn from them?

Igliashon – I learned how to rob kids of $50 an hour, real easy.

QRD – What would you teach someone in a guitar lesson that you don’t think they would generally get from a guitar teacher?

Igliashon – Hurt the guitar before it hurts you.

QRD – What’s something someone would have to do to emulate your style?

Igliashon – Sequester the parietal lobe.  & a pint of raw ether.

QRD – What’s your take on tremolo systems?

Igliashon – Get rid of ‘em.  Better off taping your strings to the guitar.

QRD – How often do you adjust your tone knob?

Igliashon – What’s a “tone knob”?

QRD – What do you see as the difference between lead guitar & rhythm guitar players?

Igliashon – About three inches of dick length.

QRD – If a band has good guitar work, can you ignore the rest of the band not being good?

Igliashon – I’d rather listen to a gastric bypass surgery than any bands I can think of.

QRD – What famous musician’s guitar would you like to own & why?

Igliashon – I’d like to own Jimmy Page’s entire guitar collection.  So that I could chop ‘em all up together into a singular Lovecraftian horror.

QRD – Who do you think is currently the most innovative guitar player & why?

Igliashon – Lou Reed.  Because he’s dead.

QRD – Where can people hear your best guitar work?

Igliashon – On a clear night, pointing their parabolic reflector dish toward 47° 35’ 45.26’’ N, 122° 18’ 7.32’’ W.  Good luck.

QRD – Anything else?

Igliashon – Thank you for this opportunity!