with Igliashon Jones
Name: Igliashon Jones
Bands: City of the Asleep
QRD – What was your first guitar & what happened to it?
Igliashon – Ah, the ol’ Ibanez 3-stringer. Real P.O.S. plywood special, sold to me by a grinning idiot. It’s in a better place now... I threw it off a cliff after a bad gig at the local senior center. Should have a raging crop of barnacles growing on it by now.
QRD – What’s your typical set-up from guitar to effects to amplifier?
Igliashon – I play a custom-modified Squier with a double-length scale… 51 inches, you bet! I use the same gauge string for each string, a 10 (high-E from a pack of Ernie Ball Regular Slinky’s), all tuned to about middle-C, plus or minus a quarter-tone for shimmer. I play this beast with a special right-handed glove that has a bunch of hair clips (bobby pins) attached to the fingertips, allowing me to strike the strings in chaotic flourishes. My left hand is missing a couple of fingers but I get by all right taping a couple slides to the stumps. Glass only, though, steel is too heavy & falls off. For effects, I exclusively use ring modulators -- I’ve got about 12 of ‘em, my pride & joy is the DOD Gonkulator (the only pedal that lets you turn down the “Suck”!) & I’ve got three of ‘em at various settings. Amp-wise, I’ve been assembling what I like to call “the Hive” for about a decade now. Basically, I have 16 little 2-to-15-watt amps & a bunch of line-splitters to go into each one individually. It’s louder than you’d expect & it allows me to either put out a big single-point blast or to literally SURROUND the audience with my sound.
QRD – What’s the most important part of your rig - guitar, amplifier, or effects?
Igliashon – Definitely the bug-zapper. I can’t play worth a damn with all these skeeters buzzing in my ear!
QRD – If you had a signature guitar, what would it look like & what would some of its features be?
Igliashon – Oh man, I’ve always wanted one of those. I reckon the body would be shaped like a lightning bolt & it would have a built-in bug zapper. & of course the 51” scale is non-negotiable. I’d love to get one of those Fernandes Sustainer systems too, or figure out a way to build eBow technology into the pickups or something.
QRD – If you had a signature pedal, what would it be & what would some of its features be?
Igliashon – It would be four ring modulators that you could adjust to run in series or parallel or some combo thereof. Independent LFOs with random-step waveforms modulating the carrier frequency & a switch to use the LFOs to modulate EACH OTHER. & it would have a Suck knob. Except it would just be a volume knob, cuz it’s a joke.
QRD – How many guitars do you own?
Igliashon – Other than the main axe, I’ve got a PRS that someone just GAVE ME after a show one time (I haaaaate it, damn yuppie instrument, I’m fixin’ to smash it, but I need to get poorer first to make it more of a statement). I’ve got a monstrosity of like 3 cheap acoustics I bought in Mexico from some drunk guy that I cut up & glued together in what I call “The Human Guitaripede” -- basically I cut the headstocks off two of ‘em, cut a channel in two of the bodies, & then glued ‘em to have one long continuous neck. It’s sort of a REALLY LONG SCALE, but it’s weird cuz of the intonation of the repeating fretboard pattern. Three necks laid end-to-end, with bodies surrounding the lower two necks to make the frets unreachable from a traditional grip. I dunno, it’s hard to describe. I play it by throwing things at it.
QRD – How & where do you store your guitars?
Igliashon – I sleep with them. In bed.
QRD – What do you wish guitar cases had that they usually don’t?
Igliashon – Bug zappers!!!
QRD – What features do you look for when buying a guitar?
Igliashon – Sadness. Defeat. Broken spirits, really.
QRD – How much do you think a good guitar should cost?
Igliashon – Good guitars are for posers. Only a fuck-up would pay more than $15 for a guitar. Get some damn tools, you yuppies!
QRD – How thoroughly do you research or test a piece of equipment before buying it?
Igliashon – LOLROFLLMAO. “Research”? “TEST”? What am I, a rocket scientist? It’s a guitar. If you can hit the strings it works.
QRD – Do you change your rig around often?
Igliashon – I add to it. Like cells growing in a tumor. It will kill its host eventually.
QRD – Are you after one particular guitar tone & locking into it, or do you like to change your tone around a lot?
Igliashon – I am after the terror of the gods. What does “tone” matter to the Great Sleep-Bringers of Yestergnoth?
QRD – What are some guitars, amps, & pedals you particularly lust after?
Igliashon – I’m faithful to my brides! How dare you insinuate I harbor impure thoughts for others?! I accept what Divine Providence supplies. It is not my place to harbor desires.
QRD – What do you think are some important features to be on a person’s first guitar that aren’t always there?
Igliashon – Everybody’s first guitar sucks. Because everybody sucks when they first play the guitar. The problem is in the mind, not the guitar. Every first guitar should come with a dunce cap that you have to wear on your head until you finally realize the only way to win over your instrument is to hate it & destroy it… because you’re too chickenshit to destroy yourself, so the best you can do is pretend to do it through ““MUSIC””.
QRD – What have been the best & worst guitar related purchases you’ve made?
Igliashon – The Human Guitaripede is pretty great. Best $15 I ever spent. Worst purchase would be that PRS the guy gave me for free. Does it count as a purchase if it was free? I think so. It was terrible.
QRD – What are some effect, amp, & guitar brands you particularly like or dis-like & why?
Igliashon – Two words: Radioshack. But really, if you can recognize the brand it ain’t worth a damn. Any name brand guitar is just Uncle Sam fuckin’ you in the wallet. Most expensive (& least-pleasant-smelling) kindling you’ll ever find.
QRD – What’s the first thing you play when you pick up a guitar?
Igliashon – “Street Cleaners” by Doktors for “Bob”. Worst song never written.
QRD – How old were you when you started playing guitar?
Igliashon – Fifty-two.
QRD – At what age do you think you leveled up to your best guitar playing?
Igliashon – Thirteen.
QRD – Why do you think a guitar fits you more so than other instruments?
Igliashon – Because I can cut them.
QRD – Do you think guitar should be people’s first instrument as often as it is?
Igliashon – No. Learn the goddamn flute, ya sissies.
QRD – Do you see your guitar as your ally or adversary in making music?
Igliashon – I see it as the enemy I captured & then drilled holes in its skull & injected diluted bleach, like Jeffery Dahmer. It’s my unwilling slave.
QRD – Who are the guitarists that most influenced your playing & sound?
Igliashon – There’s this guy in Santa Cruz, CA… never seen him sober, just walks around downtown at night with his broke-ass acoustic rockin’ out like he’s Eddie Van bloody Halen. But, like, EVH after a 30-year bender that he still hasn’t come out of. I hate that fucker, but I think it’s because he reminds me so much of myself. If I didn’t have the Hive to take care of, I’d probably be doin’ what he’s doing.
QRD – Do you think people anthropomorphizing their guitars is natural or silly (e.g. naming their guitar)?
Igliashon – Why don’t you ask the guitars?
QRD – What’s the most physical damage you’ve done to a guitar & how did you do it?
Igliashon – Any idiot can smash a guitar. Me, I humiliate them… I make them feel fear. Guitars piss their pants when they see me coming, because I DON’T destroy them in the conventional sense. I pervert them. You can’t make a guitar really SCREAM if it ain’t afraid of a fate worse than death….
QRD – What do you do to practice other than simply playing?
Igliashon – Archery, mostly.
QRD – How many hours a week do you play guitar & how many hours would you like to?
Igliashon – Play? This ain’t a game, son. This is RELIGION. Church is in session 23 hours a minute.
QRD – How often do you change strings?
Igliashon – About every 10 minutes.
QRD – How often do you break strings?
Igliashon – About every 10 minutes.
QRD – Which do you feel is more proficient, your strumming hand or fretting hand & how does that effect your style?
Igliashon – It’s all in the scrotum, actually.
QRD – Do you set-up your guitar yourself or send it to a guitar tech (or not set it up at all) & why?
Igliashon – Guitar techs will be the first people I line up & shoot after I finally get the guts to commit suicide.
QRD – Do you prefer tablature, sheet music, or some other notation system for writing down your own ideas?
Igliashon – No, I don’t.
QRD – How high do you hold your guitar when playing (strap length)?
Igliashon – I generally lay the guitar on a table, or preferably a bed.
QRD – What’s a bad habit in your playing you wish you could break?
Igliashon – I never remember which end is up.
QRD – Playing what other instrument do you think can most help someone’s guitar playing?
Igliashon – The lawnmower.
QRD – What’s a type of guitar playing you wish you could do that you can’t?
Igliashon – Adult contemporary.
QRD – What’s a guitar goal you’ve never accomplished?
Igliashon – Making a free-throw from the 50-yard line.
QRD – What’s the last guitar trick you learned?
Igliashon – Chlorform = consent, as far as guitars are concerned.
QRD – What’s your favorite guitar gadget (ebow, capo, slide, string cutter, etc)?
Igliashon – The bonesaw.
QRD – What’s a guitar technique you’d like to master, but haven’t?
Igliashon – Notes.
QRD – Did you ever take guitar lessons & if so, what did you learn from them?
Igliashon – I learned how to rob kids of $50 an hour, real easy.
QRD – What would you teach someone in a guitar lesson that you don’t think they would generally get from a guitar teacher?
Igliashon – Hurt the guitar before it hurts you.
QRD – What’s something someone would have to do to emulate your style?
Igliashon – Sequester the parietal lobe. & a pint of raw ether.
QRD – What’s your take on tremolo systems?
Igliashon – Get rid of ‘em. Better off taping your strings to the guitar.
QRD – How often do you adjust your tone knob?
Igliashon – What’s a “tone knob”?
QRD – What do you see as the difference between lead guitar & rhythm guitar players?
Igliashon – About three inches of dick length.
QRD – If a band has good guitar work, can you ignore the rest of the band not being good?
Igliashon – I’d rather listen to a gastric bypass surgery than any bands I can think of.
QRD – What famous musician’s guitar would you like to own & why?
Igliashon – I’d like to own Jimmy Page’s entire guitar collection. So that I could chop ‘em all up together into a singular Lovecraftian horror.
QRD – Who do you think is currently the most innovative guitar player & why?
Igliashon – Lou Reed. Because he’s dead.
QRD – Where can people hear your best guitar work?
Igliashon – On a clear night, pointing their parabolic reflector dish toward 47° 35’ 45.26’’ N, 122° 18’ 7.32’’ W. Good luck.
QRD – Anything else?
Igliashon – Thank you for this opportunity!