It’s snowing outside. It makes me notice how cold it really is here in Steve’s place. It’s made me take up smoking again even though there isn’t any tobacco that isn’t two years stale. But smoking let’s me pretend it’s a different time & stop thinking. Stop thinking about how many days Erika’s been missing & that we might not find her alive & that I’m responsible for that in the end. Stop thinking about how I don’t know what the date is anymore & that means that in a way I’m lost in time. Stop thinking about how I don’t know anything about anything anymore.