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I Wanna Geek Out

 I was born in 1975 so, like a lot of guys my age, the first thing I remember geeking out over is Star Wars.  From there it went to comics & then to books & then to music.  A pretty typical run I suppose.  I always thought it would last my life time, but I always thought I would die when I was 23.  I spent all of last year getting over that & now here I am stuck in this new century I never thought I’d have to face.  When I was in elementary school everyone knew there’d be some kind of catastrophic event that would make people stop counting (aliens or nuclear war or God depending who you were).  Now it is 2000 & I haven’t even gone to outer space or anything & I’m 25 & never made plans to be.  I’ve been told before that I’m too bitter for my age, but now I’m getting to the point where being bitter is just pathetic; because these days it’s just an act because I just don’t care.  Being bitter isn’t any better than owning a Lexus, they’re just status symbols for different sects.  What I want is something new to geek out over.  Movies & books & music just don’t cut it anymore.  Cars & sports & computers just seem like games for people younger than me.  I can’t geek out over family the way I should be able to because I never think mentally stable girls are interesting enough to work to hold on to & geeking out over money just seems disgusting.  So what the hell am I supposed to do?  Wait for this mental/emotional breakdown to pass just like I’m still waiting to happen with previous breakdowns?  Start working 80 hour weeks to minimize thinking time?  I don’t know.  Maybe there isn’t an answer.  Maybe this is the kind of thing to pray is normal so I’m not special or broken & to pray isn’t normal so everyone doesn’t need to go through it.  It’s the kind of thing that makes better art than life.