solution to suicide
the only legitimate reason to kill
yourself is boredom, but even when this is your reason you still run into
problems. say you believe in a life-after-death, then who's to say
you won't still be bored? an after-life doesn't really seem like
much of a solution to boredom. & if you don't believe in l.a.d.,
then death is a really scary concept, no matter what you try to say about
it. the solution: aliens, my friend. all you need to do is
get a ufo to pick you up & bang zoom leave the boring planet earth.
you can play tricks on the aliens & make them think you eat with your
armpits & then giggle about it all day. maybe you can even learn
how to fly the space ship & beat up the aliens & go to one of those
planets that're really cool. you could go to that planet where everybody
thinks you're a god because you have thumbs. you could go to the
planet where all the humans have blue hair & orange eyes. maybe
you could even live on a planet of friendly lizards. plus if you
ever get really bored you can still kill yourself. also if you go
the alien route you can see how many people react to your disappearance
& then do things to the ones who suck, like getting aliens to perform
experiments on them so they can no longer control their bladders.
screw prozac, aliens are the solution to everything....