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14 year-old's dream
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14 year-oldís dream
by Brian John Mitchell

When I was 14 I had certain goals for my future life.  I wanted to be nocturnal because I thought vampires & ghosts were cool.  I wanted to be a mailman because I liked getting mail.  I wanted to be a musician or writer because thatís how I connected with other humans.  Now Iím 30 & Iíve accomplished all these things.  I have a third shift job working for the post office.  Iím a struggling musician & writer.  But unfortunately nothing seems as cool as I anticipated.  Or maybe the problem is it is cool.  My life is a 14 year-oldís cool & at 30 I have no interest in being cool.  I donít even know how I got into this place in my life & the realization that itís what I wanted when I was a freshman in high school kind of makes me think that it was some kind of self-fulfilling prophecy.  It makes me hope this is all some bogus teenage daydream.  Iíll come out of a cloudy mental haze listening to Metallicaís Master of Puppets album as some mild poison with hallucinogenic side-effects wears off.  But then what?  Do I try to make it back to where I am or do I try to do something better?  Can I even survive my life if I try to do better or is the path I followed the only one that letís me get out alive?  Fucking time travelÖ.